I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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