fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
