I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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