I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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