he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
