then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Randomize
