I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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