Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
