I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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