is your mom at the bar?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
