woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
