I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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