if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
