He is an equal opportunity slut.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
