you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
