I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
