if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Apparently you make a good broom.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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