the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
