I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
