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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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