It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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