i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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