If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
