The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
