Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
