Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
