Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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