It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
