you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
