I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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