i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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