Just fell off a train. Bad.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
