He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
