Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We are all done wearing pants today
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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