Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
