She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
