This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
