Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
