Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
