The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
