We named our party play list daddy issues
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
