puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
