My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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