There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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