the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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