I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Boobs speak an international language.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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