do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
