I love black thongs
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
