Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
