i was born a porn star she said
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
