please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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